A reading, this afternoon

In about three hours, I'm going to read for my first "appointment". I've read for friends, friends of friends, family, my mom's friends, myself...I am about to read for a sort-of aquaintance, friend of a friend type. She contacted me earlier in the week, asking for a reading. Of course I said yes, that next time we were all together at a mutual friend's house, I would. She was like "No, I really need one, soon. I'll come to you. I'll PAY you." So she's coming here at 2, today. It feels like a small step into pro-reading. As the circle grows ever wider, I feel more comfortable with the idea of paying me. I put a lot of love and effort in, when I read for other people.

I plan on figuring out her soul card, for her, along with the reading. I'm not sure which deck to use. Sacred Rose has been good to me, so far, but it's still new-ish. Reading for a new person makes me nervous, reading with a relatively new deck makes me nervous. I suppose I could put out a few, and let her choose. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

I've been cleaning the house since yesterday, not necessarily for my guest, but because it was due. It's not exactly done, but the corners are cleaned, all the dirt and fingerprints are gone and the laundry is done, and everything is overall bright and shiny. I think that's important, to the energy. I know, if I went to someone's house for a reading, and it was a chaotic mess, I would feel ill-at-ease.

Either way, it will be pleasant. I baked lemon cookies, and will be making a pitcher of some kind of iced tea. Maybe black tea with mint, or green tea with lemon verbena, depending on what's going on in the herb garden. I'm looking forward to it :)

Then it goes deeper...

This is the second part to the post below, detailing some deep thoughts, and heavy conversation we had on the porch, today. It involves, The Rose, God/dess, spirituality, and different views.


Luiz got done stretching the canvas, and somehow missed me doing these two cards. He asked me to pull them out again, so we could talk about it. I pulled the Ace of Pents again, and he helped me form more ideas about it. Then, on impulse, I pulled all the Aces from the deck, and laid them out in a square. I said "It feels good to look at these Aces, all together, like this. It reminds me that all our gifts are from the Goddess. All of these are in her realm, and hers to give." He looked at me askance.

Seeing all the elements emerge from the center of the rose, what a wonderful visual trigger. To me, the rose has always equalled Goddess, even as a child, before I had a name for Her. I never felt safer than when I was sitting on the grass in my mother's rose garden. I've never felt more nurtured and cared for, then when I was at my grandmother's side, carefully making the rose hips into tea, or jam. I have never felt more loved, and cherished, then when first my father, then my husband presented me with gifts of roses. Roses on my birthdays, roses when I was in the hospital giving birth to my son, roses for passion. Roses, from my earliest consciousness have always had something to do with Mother/Daughter/Lover.

Luiz, in the past year, has been on a spiritual journey. In a nutshell (and, he can go into detail about this on his blog, in fact, I think he should...) he's moved from strict, conservative Christian fundamentalist background, to, well, who knows, because he's not there yet. He's learning, and reaching, and has broken out of that, and trying every day to leave that behind. He longs for structure, leans heavily on patriarchial ideas, thinks of God/dess in highly specialized gender roles.

He views them in some sort of hierarchy that I couldn't begin to guess at, but leaves Goddess as a "sister" figure, to man, and God as THE FATHER. That, like, denigrates everything I believe in. I'd be lying if I said it didn't offend me somewhat. It might have to do with his presentation of his ideas, and how he packages then. On the other hand, I must remind myself that he has come a very long way just recognizing that GOD THE FATHER of his past, and who he emulates has a feminine side.

I won't discredit or brush his notions off, but I felt like he had a longass way to go in recognizing the equality, and the balance, and what the Divine Union really means. That everything is in the realm of the Goddess. Everything is also in the realm of the God. He's got very structured, very hierarchial roles in mind. I don't normally argue with people's notions of divinity, but even he admits it, he's not really experienced, or learned about all the aspects of the feminine. He comes from a lifetime of opression, being told "cower at the father's feet, fear HIM, fear displeasing HIM, you are human, made of dust, nothing in HIS mighty presence". Which is...er, cough, bullshit. I could do another huge blog entry on the many levels of bullshit that statement is.

Either way, those four Aces, laid out like that, not only filled me with such joy, and reminded me that all gifts are from our great Mother, but it opened up a huge spiritual discussion between Luiz and I. I feel better knowing how he looks at things, and that maybe he'll broaden his experiences more, to form a more educated, world-view, opinion. Because that's really all I ever ask of anyone. Form your own opinions, please, do not follow what I do, it's my path. Just learn. Expose yourself to cultures from every Aeon, from every corner of the Earth, then come exchange ideas about the God, the Goddess, earth, air, fire, water, the divine union, and everything therein.

It all started with a question...

It started out, simple enough. I was sitting on the porch earlier this afternoon, keeping Luiz company while he put the stretcher bars together for his canvas, for The Rose. This is a highly spiritual painting for him, loosely inspired by the rose, as represented in the Dark Tower series. I say loosely, because since he's read that book, he's been tracking down and researching rose lore, anywhere he can, adding to his knowledge bank...and my own. But, the act of putting the wood together, and me hanging out on the porch with my cards seemed mundane enough.

We were idly discussing my conversation with our friend Schuyler, last night. I suspect that he is starting to think I'm crazy. He's very scientific, very grounded in tangible realities, a natural skeptic. I was talking about how we both suffer from a pretty heavy inferiority complex, he's empowered by fitness, working out, molding and shaping his body, it's his *thing*. I confessed, that I feel most empowered when I'm holding a deck. With the cards in my hand, I feel very connected to God/dess, and quite ready to handle anything. They've taken on almost a talismanic feel. I find myself holding them, or moving the bag around in my hand, during troubling or stressful times. I pour tons of my energy in these cards, and sometimes I need to take some back.

Schuyler doesn't really hold to all that. He's open minded enough to say "if it feels good, then do it" but, he doesn't believe in Tarot, because it's not provable. Arguably, he has very little exposure to Tarot, and similar things. I'm not going to like, attempt to convert, or argue with him. Mainly, I was concerned if he thinks I'm crazy. I've always been very tight about my spirituality, only recently coming out of the closet about my beliefs, my usage of divination, all that. We've been friends for seven years, and only recently do I let that sort of thing creep into our normally deep conversations. I just feel comfortable. Is it misplaced? Does he think I'm a wackjob? Naturally, asked the cards.

I asked "Does Schuyler think I'm crazy, when I speak of spiritual things?" The card I pulled (from The Sacred Rose, naturally) was the 10 of wands. It means he doesn't think I'm crazy, so much as the conversations run a little too heavy for him, at times. We have been getting much more existentialist, lately, and he might feel overwhelmed. I then asked "How should I steer our conversations, then, in the future?" Ace of Pents. To me, the Pentacles symbolize magic in the mundane, things in the realm of the physical, things you can touch, see, earn, and shape. Money, your body, dirt, and everything in between...which, amusingly enough, is what we talk about normally. Maybe not so much "magic in the mundane" but Ace of Pents tells me that it's okay to bring a little of that in. We do have deep psychological, sometimes philosophical conversations, encompassing the meaning of life, and happiness, and what it is to love and be loved. This is all good stuff, for topics. He shies away from speaking of divinity, the cosmos, intuition, psychic abilities, anything he can't touch, he can't trust.

I was quite satisfied, with those answers. Put the cards aside, and just continued to soak in the day.

Illuminating

It's so late, but my mind is tick tick tick ticking. I should drink small, intense doses of caffeine more often, at night. But, for practicality's sake, it should not be a Sunday night...



I had a whole evening with friends, and the cards, tonight. It was an effervescent evening, good food, lots of laughs, and some amazing readings. I read for these folks, a lot. It's become just a normal event, every time we hang out, it gets conversation flowing, and helps us relate to each other better, on a friendship level. Of course, we learn a lot about each other, as well.



I've been reading for other people, in various ways, with different forms of divination, for years. To this day, (literally) I still have moments that shock and amaze me. We were playing sort of a game, with the cards, today "what question is in my head? Pull a card an answer it" I use that method for privacy, too. Tonight, it was more lighthearted. Suzanne asked me to draw a card, for a question she was holding in her mind. I shut out all the room-chatter, and formed a bridge from my third-eye chakra, to hers, it was so "there" I could almost see it as an indigo...er, haze, no that's not right, thread isn't quite right either. Bridge will have to do. An arc of violet-indigo-energy...anyway, I did that, then drew the card. I pulled the Hanged Man, and said "Wait. That's all I have to tell you, just wait around, and think on it."


Her question? "Should we get going, and let Lisa and Irv get some sleep?" We were all comfortable and cozy, great conversation, good food, and coffee...no one really wanted to budge. who cared that it was edging on midnight. It was cute, the card showed her that we really meant that, and weren't just being polite.


Usually, when I sit with a querant, I try to get our energies on the same page, swirling and harmonizing them. Sometimes, it's like trying to jockey a team of wild horses. Some people just bring all manner of zingy, all over the place, energy. I've never outright tried to hop over and bridge to them, I've never thought of it, never tried it. I can see that it might expose me to all manner of good or bad mojo. I can also see it being exceptionally draining, if done too often in a short time. I wouldn't try it with someone I didn't trust inherently, nor would I use it for much else besides reading for them. It does get me thinking about myriad possibilites, though.

Getting to know Sacred Rose -really-

I've been thinking about this post since last night, and throughout this morning. It's something I've been procrastinating about, in fact.



I tried doing it "by the book". Like I said, I was away from Tarot for a bit, and the Sacred Rose was my first new deck since my hiatus, so with that, I said "Lisa, you've got to really dedicate yourself to this, and journal, and research and meditate." So, I tried, I really did. I floundered. Who's kidding who? I suck at rigid. I suck at by the book. I journal well, as long as it's in a freeform stream of consciousness kind of way. I lose at lists and bullet points. I figured I better just clear this up now, before I harsh my chi, and lay the deck and the blog aside for a long time. I'm flighty that way, it doesn't take much for me to put myself off of something.

So last night, I grabbed her, and started reading with her. This is one of the most intuitive decks that I have. In the new deck spread, the card that came out that represents the Sacred Rose is The Magician.

I spent a lot of time just flipping cards, we were walking through the Universe last night, and I learned a great deal about the deck, that no amount of rigid journaling will ever teach me. She has professed her will to work with me, and replace one of my most well used decks, for awhile. I've laid aside the Robin Wood, as my working deck, and picked up Miss Rose. Yes, it's very feminine, mystical, magical, laden with secrets, sometimes she has a confusing way. She has a wry sense of humor, and she's a bit overbearing, and apparently does not take well to being rigidly cataloged. Well and so.

Here's to a long, crazy, working relationship with The Sacred Rose Tarot.

I'm going to hide the posts down there, of my earnest attempts at journaling, so as not to confuse myself, later in life.

Magical Catty

I am currently doing what I planned on doing. Cleaning out my Tarot chest, and organizing my burgeoning pile of decks, and bags, sorting my little white books, and just spending time with them. I am feeling better and more connected already. I had to abandon the pile, half done, to come talk about Harmony for a little bit, though. My thoroughly magical familiar, Harmony.

I went out on the porch for a few minutes, to talk to my son and one of the neighbor kids, leaving my Tarot chest open, and my decks strewed about the table. I was in the process of folding all my cloths, when I left the room. As I'm chatting with the neighbor kid, I hear Miss Harmony maowling piteously, her lonely "where did you go!?" mao. I came back inside, to find the chest closed tight, and her perched on the lid, like a gargoyle, looking at me with crazy eyes. I walked over to her, murmuring, calming her down, reassuring that I didn't really go anywhere, just outside for a minute, she calmed immediately, and jumped from the box, onto my shoulder. (This was cute when she was a baby, now it's 15 pounds of claws and ouch, but I indulge her).

I thought it was so charming, that she was guarding my stuff from God-knows-what, and worried about my disappearance, I came right over here to talk about it. She was curled around my neck for a minute, but now she's standing protectively on the back of my chair.

Harmony is my familiar. She came to me, despite the "no cat" and "no more pets" rules we had in place. She came to me a bit too young to be weaned, so I had to care for her, for a bit, and feed her cat food and kitty formula, till she got the hang of it. She rode around on my shoulder, or in my shirt, or draped across my neck for the duration of her kitten hood. She slept mixed in my pillows, or between my ankles. She even named herself. We had a two week long debate about her name, till one day, I was laying on my tummy on the bed, reading a Earth Air Fire & Water, by Scott Cunningham, looking something up, when she planted her kitten butt down on the page, and framed a word with her two front paws. "Harmony". I looked at her, and was like "really? That's what you want? Okay...." And it stuck.

She is not a nice cat. She is not a cuddly-wuddly docile pet kitty. She is a bi-polar diva, who will lay around all sweet and alluring, till someone stoops to scratch her exposed white belly...then WHAM claws and teeth. She needs to be near people, she wants you, she wants your adoration, and attention. On her terms. Only. She keeps the other pets in check, and mannerly, even if she isn't very mannerly herself.

Most importantly, she is ALWAYS involved in my ritual work, unless it's outside. She helps me choose components, do readings, cast circles, walk in other planes, write spells, and so on. She has a very keen sense of mojo. When I do "high" readings, for myself, when I cleanse the space, and go there, oftentimes, she comes with me. She perches protectively at the corner of the table, and sits patiently. She is very keyed into my energy, her antics often reflect my own feelings, so when she bites a hole in someones hand, usually it's because Mama isn't happy.

I couldn't ask for a better familiar. She's like the feline extension of my soul.

Trashy Novels

I haven't been devoting as much time and thought to scholarly reading and Tarot study as I'd like.

I've been wanting to journal the Sacred Rose, more, or actively (as opposed to passively) read Lon Milo Duquette's Understanding the Thoth. I have a burning urge to learn those cards inside and out, and get further into Crowley's head. I'm interested in the man, and his life. I might be obsessed, which is why I take his biography, and his writings in small doses. Otherwise, I start thinking of everything in relation to his teachings. It feels a little cloying, since I came to studying his works long after I've established my own dogma. I like learning, I like challenging myself, but I don't like thinking about things in a foreign manner. It's like the persona gets into my head and has different ideas about life. As far as journaling goes, that takes a peaceful household, and a sparkling mind, ready to channel energy from the cards, and the Universe. I have not been peaceful OR sparkling in a few days. There's always something to clean, somewhere to go, someone to answer to, something do do, that pulls my heart and mind away from my studies.

Hopefully, sleeping for 8 hours, last night (and let's hope for at least 7 tonight!) will help with the energy levels. Hopefully it will be sunny, and warm, tomorrow. Hopefully the house will be clean and relatively silent. Maybe then, I can do some more Sacred Rose meditations.

Honestly, I've been wanting to drag my tarot box to the table, and dig through it, greeting and shuffling every one of my decks, in turn. I want to place decks in the new bags I've gotten, and just spend time in a clerical way, with my cards. Not reading, as much as cataloging, studying, and hangning out.

Instead of the heavy scholarly stuff, I've been reading light-ish books. I'm finishing up the Kushiel series, by Jaqueline Carey. I'm in the last 5% of Kushiel's Justice, and about to start Kushiel's Mercy. I started reading these books because Schuyler suggested them, two years ago. I trust his suggestions, and wasn't dissapointed. I didn't think I would adore them. I even caught myself shedding some tears. I haven't been playing any video games at all lately, so this is my escape route. I'm in love with the setting, the characters, the language, the whole package. There's so much love here, so much tenderness, bitterness, pain, and hardship. These books explore the entire spectrum of emotions, through the eyes of very compelling characters.

As soon as I'm done here, I'm gonna go to bed, and probably finish up the book. Maybe I'll bring Duquette's book with me, and read a chapter from it, too.

Zoomy

I'm feeling all brain zoomy, today. I want to journal more, spend more time with my new deck, but I can't even get a half hour. I'm thinking high, deep thoughts, and don't have the space mentally or physically to act on it.

I went walking in the garden today, and was very excited to discover that my lavender bush, after like, three years, is finally blooming! I've already got big plans, for the flowers. It does my heart worlds of good, to see my "babies" growing, thriving, and returning year after year, stronger, bigger, and better.


Luiz blogged about a dream that he had, regarding a haunted painting, that he exorcized, calling upon the Biblical God, to aid him. Interesting, and very powerful. I'm not going to recap it here, it's very detailed, and deep. In a nutshell, I feel like it's a signpost, a marker from the 'Verse, that he's entering into a new phase, spiritually. He has broken free of the oppressive bonds of the Witness peerage, and can appreciate his background in religious teaching, and choose from it what bouys him up, and enriches his spirituality, comfortably blending it with his new knowledge and mindset.


There's a lot more to it, but I am blogging here because we will be doing an in-depth reading about it, tonight. I might use my new deck, I might use one of my older ones. We'll see how it feels. I'm going all high magic, tonight. I'm clearing the room and creating the space. It's been awhile, and I feel the need to walk there.

Mostly, I'm blogging right now, beacuse I can't do any of the stuff I want to do, there's a houseful of yelling boys playing video games. Maybe I'll go back out and walk in the garden some more.

Journaling: The Sacred Rose- The Magician

The Magician

Unlike the Fool, he stands at the brink of the cosmos with surety. He's not impulsively stepping, but standing at the edge. He, like most Magicians poses with one hand up, and one down, in the position of a conductor, bringing magic from the divine, down to the physical realm. this is manifested in the symbols of the elements swirling around him, and the blooms of abundance surrounding him. His magic, which is very much active here, has manifested into a wild variety of roses, all at his feet. He is charged with energy and spirit, his red-violet robes swirl around him, and he has an aura of pure light. His face is calm, but seemingly focused, and his hari and beard are grey or white, which suggests age and wisdom. Around his neck looks like a mojo bag, perhaps for protection, or luck. This tells me that even the mighty Magician looks for help, sometimes. The trees in the back remind me of pillars, they're further back than the arch of trees on the Fool card, but you get the sense that the Magician has long since passed through this bridge of knowledge and is making it work for him.

Out of Print!?!

Just discovered that my Bohemian Gothic is now out of print. This fully freaks me the fuck out. Now I regret tossing the box. Now I will be ultra uber careful with it. Now I am kicking KICKING myself for not getting the Silver Edition and the companion book, when I had the chance.

Oh, Magic-Realist Press, why must you throw me into such a tailspin.

Overall Impressions of: Sacred Rose

I'm trying out something new, here. I just got the Sacred Rose Tarot, in the mail today. I think it would help my relationship with new decks if I outline my first impressions, here. I'll try to use some sort of loose format, and go over all my other decks, past, present, and future in much the same manner.


I got this deck from: Trading on Aeclectic Tarot, NorthernTigress shipped it from Canada. I made the deal, then looked up reviews of it on Amazon, to discover that it's available there, for $10 cheaper. No mind, I enjoy supporting my fellow AT members, and the trades. Upon receiving it, I discovered that it was an older version, along with a book, so goodie for me.

Right out of the box: First, I love the backs. I love them so much, the design is begging to be painted and hung on my wall, or tattooed on my body. I'll bring this up to Luiz, someday, maybe he'll be intrigued and want to paint it for me. The overall look of the cards is sort of watercolory sometimes, but with harsher black lines that breaks it up. Substantial white borders, with a sketchy black inner border. I think that's what I like least about the cards. These would be infinitely better sans border. Already I'm plotting how to get rid of it. Not a dealbreaker, but there it is. The colors are very rich and deep, the artwork is lustrous and flowing. The faces kinda weird me out. It's a very busy deck, with lots of lines, and patterns.


A little more depth: Some of the figures have blank white eyeballs. Not sure how I feel about that yet. Many of the cards are startlingly beautiful, some are creepy, and some are downright harsh or ugly to look at (what is going ON with the kid on the 4 of wands?!). Some images are very bold, some are watery and dreamlike. This deck has an amazing use of color. I love the colors, can't get enough. Also, since it's the Sacred Rose, there's abundant use of roses, which I also adore. I love roses, so a deck based around them, and all their wonderful symbolism makes me very happy. There's a lot of elemental balance happening here, too with a strong leaning towards the Cosmic (or ether, or spirit). Despite the weirdness, I feel like I can connect to this deck. I bet we'd live happily ever after, even, if I could trim all that friggin white off the outsides. I hate big white borders, it makes them all look like flash cards, or kiddie playing cards.

The Strength Card: It's good. The lady and lion almost blend as one creature, and like many of the other figures in the deck, they're staring right at you. The lion's cat eyes pierce you, they're very intense. A different take on Strength, but I daresay, I like it.

The Book: Looks like a basic companion book. Better than the LWB, but not as good as a great tarot book. Definitely going to read it, because some of the imagery challenges me.


Red Rose for Sacrifice
White Rose for Purity
Blue Rose represents the Impossible
Gold Rose is achievement
Cosmic Rose is time and space

After a long break...

I had a bout of badness, with Tarot. One weekend, it went from party entertainment, to asking serious questions in a forum that probably wasn't right for the mood of the inquiries. It wound up becoming awkward, and causing bad feelings. The lesson I took from that icky night was this; always clear it with everyone in the room, if someone asks a question pertaining to them. Always get permission, don't just ask the cards random stuff about people in the room, without their blessings.

Along around that time, Luiz and I were both starting to draw cards, when we were arguing, or disagreeing about something. Like "Listen, I know I'm right, let me ask the cards, and show you" Petty stuff, in retrospect. It led to a lot of second guessing, of ourselves, and the cards.

It all came to a head, when I asked the cards some questions one night, because Luiz was late getting home, and I was concerned. Apparently, I was suspicious, too because whatever I pulled up I read wrong, thought he was lying to me, and it caused all manner of bad feelings. I didn't read them all exactly wrong...it was more like I read them right, but to the far extreme of my fears, if that makes sense. I'm not going to get into things here, it's longsince over.

The point is, I laid the cards aside after that. I'd been overwhelmed with new decks, misinterpretations, bad feelings, and a buncha negative woo.

I think I needed the break, though. I went for over a month without reading them, or even looking through any of my decks. I took the deck off my desk, and the one out of my purse, and just laid it all aside. Afterwhile, I began to crave contact with them. I began to think about them a lot, stare at the box, eventually pine for them. I still wasn't exactly ready, though. It was tough diving back in, I felt out of touch, intimidated, overwhelmed.

Not sure what got me to drag them back out, but I did. They slid back in my hand like I was born with them. Shuffling them still felt as natural as breathing. Very comforting.

I must have needed it, beacause since I've picked them back up, I'm reading much more naturally. I struggle less, it doesn't drain me like it used to, and the answers just happen. The other night, I was tired, but pulled a few cards for Luiz, and it felt like I was just making shit up about them. Turns out, I was dead on.

So glad to have them back in my life, in such a big way. So glad to have turned something negative into a series of lessons. Not to read for people present, unless they give specific permission, not to use them to defend my side of an arguement, and not to ask questions that I can ask someone in person.

New deck coming in the mail...Sacred Rose. More about that in another post, probably. I'm starting to get tired.