Then it goes deeper...

This is the second part to the post below, detailing some deep thoughts, and heavy conversation we had on the porch, today. It involves, The Rose, God/dess, spirituality, and different views.


Luiz got done stretching the canvas, and somehow missed me doing these two cards. He asked me to pull them out again, so we could talk about it. I pulled the Ace of Pents again, and he helped me form more ideas about it. Then, on impulse, I pulled all the Aces from the deck, and laid them out in a square. I said "It feels good to look at these Aces, all together, like this. It reminds me that all our gifts are from the Goddess. All of these are in her realm, and hers to give." He looked at me askance.

Seeing all the elements emerge from the center of the rose, what a wonderful visual trigger. To me, the rose has always equalled Goddess, even as a child, before I had a name for Her. I never felt safer than when I was sitting on the grass in my mother's rose garden. I've never felt more nurtured and cared for, then when I was at my grandmother's side, carefully making the rose hips into tea, or jam. I have never felt more loved, and cherished, then when first my father, then my husband presented me with gifts of roses. Roses on my birthdays, roses when I was in the hospital giving birth to my son, roses for passion. Roses, from my earliest consciousness have always had something to do with Mother/Daughter/Lover.

Luiz, in the past year, has been on a spiritual journey. In a nutshell (and, he can go into detail about this on his blog, in fact, I think he should...) he's moved from strict, conservative Christian fundamentalist background, to, well, who knows, because he's not there yet. He's learning, and reaching, and has broken out of that, and trying every day to leave that behind. He longs for structure, leans heavily on patriarchial ideas, thinks of God/dess in highly specialized gender roles.

He views them in some sort of hierarchy that I couldn't begin to guess at, but leaves Goddess as a "sister" figure, to man, and God as THE FATHER. That, like, denigrates everything I believe in. I'd be lying if I said it didn't offend me somewhat. It might have to do with his presentation of his ideas, and how he packages then. On the other hand, I must remind myself that he has come a very long way just recognizing that GOD THE FATHER of his past, and who he emulates has a feminine side.

I won't discredit or brush his notions off, but I felt like he had a longass way to go in recognizing the equality, and the balance, and what the Divine Union really means. That everything is in the realm of the Goddess. Everything is also in the realm of the God. He's got very structured, very hierarchial roles in mind. I don't normally argue with people's notions of divinity, but even he admits it, he's not really experienced, or learned about all the aspects of the feminine. He comes from a lifetime of opression, being told "cower at the father's feet, fear HIM, fear displeasing HIM, you are human, made of dust, nothing in HIS mighty presence". Which is...er, cough, bullshit. I could do another huge blog entry on the many levels of bullshit that statement is.

Either way, those four Aces, laid out like that, not only filled me with such joy, and reminded me that all gifts are from our great Mother, but it opened up a huge spiritual discussion between Luiz and I. I feel better knowing how he looks at things, and that maybe he'll broaden his experiences more, to form a more educated, world-view, opinion. Because that's really all I ever ask of anyone. Form your own opinions, please, do not follow what I do, it's my path. Just learn. Expose yourself to cultures from every Aeon, from every corner of the Earth, then come exchange ideas about the God, the Goddess, earth, air, fire, water, the divine union, and everything therein.

It all started with a question...

It started out, simple enough. I was sitting on the porch earlier this afternoon, keeping Luiz company while he put the stretcher bars together for his canvas, for The Rose. This is a highly spiritual painting for him, loosely inspired by the rose, as represented in the Dark Tower series. I say loosely, because since he's read that book, he's been tracking down and researching rose lore, anywhere he can, adding to his knowledge bank...and my own. But, the act of putting the wood together, and me hanging out on the porch with my cards seemed mundane enough.

We were idly discussing my conversation with our friend Schuyler, last night. I suspect that he is starting to think I'm crazy. He's very scientific, very grounded in tangible realities, a natural skeptic. I was talking about how we both suffer from a pretty heavy inferiority complex, he's empowered by fitness, working out, molding and shaping his body, it's his *thing*. I confessed, that I feel most empowered when I'm holding a deck. With the cards in my hand, I feel very connected to God/dess, and quite ready to handle anything. They've taken on almost a talismanic feel. I find myself holding them, or moving the bag around in my hand, during troubling or stressful times. I pour tons of my energy in these cards, and sometimes I need to take some back.

Schuyler doesn't really hold to all that. He's open minded enough to say "if it feels good, then do it" but, he doesn't believe in Tarot, because it's not provable. Arguably, he has very little exposure to Tarot, and similar things. I'm not going to like, attempt to convert, or argue with him. Mainly, I was concerned if he thinks I'm crazy. I've always been very tight about my spirituality, only recently coming out of the closet about my beliefs, my usage of divination, all that. We've been friends for seven years, and only recently do I let that sort of thing creep into our normally deep conversations. I just feel comfortable. Is it misplaced? Does he think I'm a wackjob? Naturally, asked the cards.

I asked "Does Schuyler think I'm crazy, when I speak of spiritual things?" The card I pulled (from The Sacred Rose, naturally) was the 10 of wands. It means he doesn't think I'm crazy, so much as the conversations run a little too heavy for him, at times. We have been getting much more existentialist, lately, and he might feel overwhelmed. I then asked "How should I steer our conversations, then, in the future?" Ace of Pents. To me, the Pentacles symbolize magic in the mundane, things in the realm of the physical, things you can touch, see, earn, and shape. Money, your body, dirt, and everything in between...which, amusingly enough, is what we talk about normally. Maybe not so much "magic in the mundane" but Ace of Pents tells me that it's okay to bring a little of that in. We do have deep psychological, sometimes philosophical conversations, encompassing the meaning of life, and happiness, and what it is to love and be loved. This is all good stuff, for topics. He shies away from speaking of divinity, the cosmos, intuition, psychic abilities, anything he can't touch, he can't trust.

I was quite satisfied, with those answers. Put the cards aside, and just continued to soak in the day.