This page is becoming a magickal diary of sorts.  No one reads it anyway, so it works out fine.  I'm so conditioned to the age, I definitely communicate better with a keyboard than any other medium.  I should definitely work on that.

Anyway, the House Cleaning happened.

I'm not going to invite Luiz in on any more of my spellworkings for a long time. Maybe indefinitely.  He undermined and questioned at crucial parts, he had doubt. He didn't enter my circle with perfect love and perfect trust.  He doesn't take my approach seriously on any level.  He denigrates my methods.  He denies it, but I see his heart. I saw that this would happen when I read cards last night, but I went ahead. The spell happened in spite of his bullshit that he brought, and it mostly worked. There's one part I have to go over again, so next new moon, I'm going to do it all over again, just so it sticks.  And I'm doing it *alone*.

He said "You did all the work, you did all the stuff. I didn't feel magickal at all."

Which left me sputtering. Well then, why the fuck were you going through the motions?

I know it's my fault for assuming so much.  His ego won't let him come into my working as a supplicant, with the perfect love and trust in place in his head, heart, soul, actions.  I thought we were good, though. We talk so much magick, and we have success reading together and practicing sex magick, that I assume we're both on the same page.  I will never make any assumptions of the sort, again.

Part of me wants to think that there was some overall reason that this happened, like some lesson to be learned. I guess I did learn a lesson. I won't presume to imagine what he may or may not have learned.

At this juncture, I am leaving him to his OTO and his "High" ceremonial magic.  I think it's 80% bullshit that caters to the ego of people that like to think they're high magicians, and I'm probably wrong, but I'm looking at it from not only a spectator's angle, but also through Luiz, who *is* of that mentality.  I'll continue on my path, and I'll do it the way I always have. Alone. With the one person I can trust to be in the circle with me, in perfect love and perfect trust.  Myself.  And my familiar, Harmony.  She brings more to the table magickally than any human.