So, the shop is closed.  It went out like woosh, rather than an explosion.  The beginning of the end...was the beginning, honestly.

The hoarding was bad enough, and all that comes with it, like control and trust, envy and greed.  That was hard, but the electricity went, and was only semi repaired, that was a problem.  Because of the electricity, I suddenly couldn't use the air conditioner, the toilet went four months broken, only to be repaired and re-broken twice within days.  The heater's pilot light mysteriously went out, and couldn't be repaired...I knew I couldn't fight.

Actually, I fought through all of that.  When four of my customers come back to me in short order saying "did I do something?  I feel like she hates me.", that's when it was time.  Four very different people, both new customers and old regulars, at four very different times.  The resentment became palpable.  So, I left.

It took less time than I thought to pack up.  I didn't have merchandise.  I had my library and cards, office supplies and furniture, craft stuff, art.

I still have customers, and I'm not "closed" for business.  The season is just slow.




My new years resolution:  strain my brain.  I've been getting soft with the cards.  I learned the Lenormand this year, but I still only have a shaky grip.  I want to memorize and really grasp both the Lenormand and Morgan decks.  I plan on journaling them extensively, definitely on paper, and maybe here too.

More research, harder.  I'm back together with my books now, no excuses.

I will have a firm grasp on astrology.  Enough to flip through the Wheel of the Year reading without sweating, enough to talk conversationally about it (because as a tarot reader, it always comes up, and I always feel very herpderp in those moments), enough to learn more, obviously and get better at tarot.

I feel sometimes stagnant.  I use the same deck over and over, my customers ask me the same things over and over.  It feels mushy.  I feel soft.  I need to toughen up.  Started tonight with the biggest wheel reading ever.  The 12 astrological houses, with a Lenormand, a Morgan, and 3 normal tarot cards.  I thought about throwing a Thoth card in there too for funsies, but I'm glad I didn't.  It's enough trying to wrangle the three very distinct voices into some sort of harmonious message.  At first glance, I will be having the most healthy and active year to date OR I will have absurdly poor health and maybe even die...so obviously, I have more work to do.  So far it looks like Len is setting the tone of the question, Morgan is the cosmic message, and tarot is how manifests in the mundane.  I got halfway through, before I had to quit, my head was spinning.  I'll get back to it later, when the house quiets down.

I will have a shop soon.  All my energy is for the house right now.  I am wounded and exhausted, and burned out, but I have a direction, and Will.