I want it all, and I want it now!

A tale of when that works, and when it doesn't.  Names WAY changed.


Charlotte has gracefully come through a period in her life where she extracted herself out of an abusive marriage, came to terms with the death of her father (her idol, her mentor), and navigated a strange old/new budding romance.  She wrote a memoir.  She's about to be published.  This romance is what I'm addressing here.  It's tricky.  He's high profile (like, if I said his name, 90% of you would go "oh shit...that guy?" ) and they were close friends before fame.  She turned him down 30 years ago, romantically.  He went on to have painfully loveless marriage.  She is the heart in his life, they reconnected after her father died, and many years later, the chemistry is strong.  She wrote the book for herself, about her life, incidentally mentioning this whole thing.  It's going to come out soon, and she's not doing it to be sordid, she just wanted to write her story.  She's completely guile-less. I know what you're thinking, that she's doing it for attention/money/any number of self aggrandizing reasons.  Nope.  She wrote her memoir, focusing on her journey and three prominent men in her life, her husband her father and this guy.  She loves him. The communicate often, and it's very sweet, like high school romantic, even though they're both pushing 60.  They're slowly coming together, with this book being a catalyst.  He's married, but it's publically loveless.  It's a known thing.  His wife hates him, but loves the society life.  His wife knows about this, but doesn't give a fuck.  It's really fascinating, I've known Charlotte for about 7 months, reading for her quite frequently.  I know pretty much everything about her life, her family, her motivations, her dreams and fears.  She's in love, he's in love with her, and the divines shine upon it. It's the kind of uplifting love that will better everyone involved, and it's for the greater good.  Like, art will stem from this romance.  It already has.  She's going for it, with blessings from the universe.


Danielle is her sister.  She's in love with a higher up at work, a classic office crush.  She's very much in love with this man, we'll call him Cole.  He's also super married, with old money involved, lots of family almost an arranged marriage situation, young children.  She's so in love.  The guy is a good guy, moral, great job, stable, intelligent, witty, handsome, I mean a real genuinely caring and good man.  Also married.  And, being a good man, he's not at all willing to cheat on his wife.  Danielle is so in love with him.  She's been infatuated for over a year.  He has told her, point blank "please don't text me, unless it has to do with the job" and things like "I know what you want, and I can't give you what you want." I've been reading for her for 7 months, too.  But, you know what?  I don't know a ton about her.  I know about her infatuation with Cole, because even though we spend at least an hour a week together on average, it's not so much about her life, hopes, dreams, but Cole Cole Cole.  What's he thinking? Why did he go to Mexico this week? Is he with his wife? Is he having fun in Mexico?  Is he thinking of me?  He likes blondes, is he flirting with that new girl Lauren?  I have told her before that she needs to maybe focus on herself, and stop chasing this whole thing.  Like, if it were meant to be, it would happen.  For her to find her interests again, because like her sister, she's intelligent, well rounded, great conversationalist, lots of cool interests...but for the past year, she's become less of herself because of this infatuation.  It's like, "honey, when was the last time you went for a swim, or pulled out your watercolors?"  Hardly ever, because she's hanging around Cole's after work watering holes, hoping for a sighting.  Working insane overtime, just to be close to him.   She feels like this whole thing was Meant To Be.  That he is The One. Mr. Right. Mr. Forever. Guided by the arrows of Cupid, absolutely destined, her guardian angels all agree.   I genuinely care for her.  I pulled cards today, and had to look her in the eye and tell her point blank that this isn't love anymore, it's a flat out obsession, and that she's trying to validate it with all this high moral shit, but it's just straight up her desire.  I want him and I don't care, I want him I want him I want him *stomp foot*.  This is lust for results.  This is trying to have all your needs met, regardless of any other parties involved.  She's going for it, with no real love involved.  No love for herself (why would you throw yourself at a brick wall for so long?  That's fucking torture) and no real love for Cole, because if she loved him, she'd know him, recognize that he's happy and not going anywhere.  I mean, I never met the guy, but I have him figured out better, because my vision isn't clouded by lust.  She's going for it, and it's costing her so much.

So, it's Valentine's day, blah.  I'm coping with a medical issue.  I feel like shit.  Irv had to go into work before I got home from work, so our whole day was reduced to a rushed sandwich lunch, and promises to spend time together tomorrow or Monday.  I might have to cancel my reservations for dim sum tomorrow. It's snowing, it's shitty, and it's cold. The toilet at the shop seems broken again, and the heat has been broken all winter.  It was about 40 degrees in my space when I got there.  I had appointments today. Total day to bitch about.  Every year, Valentine's Day fucks me. I suppose it's because I spent years hating on it.

I dragged my ass in feeling like shit, and in a bad mood. Luiz drove me there which was nice.  I love his company, I love not having to be responsible for driving. I could spend the whole car ride putting myself in the proper headspace.  The first thing I got to hear about was Meredith meeting a man.... oh here we go, the usual drama...but wait... He likes her. That's good. We pulled cards, and he's surprisingly not a scumbag. She was positively buoyant.  My day turned around instantly.

Then, emboldened by a bracing mixture of prednisone, oxycontin, and xanax, I did a spontaneous Petit Lenormand Grand Tableau for a perfect stranger, my first sitting with this customer.  Just jumped up and laid out 36 cards.  Then had this "what the fuck was I just thinking? Because now I have to explain this to a total stranger..." I almost choked.   It went...well.  I saw everything very well, but I sort of had to bullshit my way through some of it, but I'd say I got 90% of the truth.  I also pulled a couple dozen tarot cards to fill in what I was BSing.

Then, and this is going to be an ongoing series, I think, I got to experience love through my customers.  Neighbor couple popped in today.  They always pay me $20, and then some choice strains of cannabis, and generally they'll bring a bottle of something fancy to drink.  Normally, I'll have a polite smoke and cordial glass, and read for them.  It's normally cool, we talk like friends, and I help them sort out life issues.

Luiz drove me in, because of the aforementioned pill cocktail, so tonight when they showed up with their usual mobile party, I partied right with them.  Tonight was special too, because I did a romantic past life spread for them, showcasing what they mean to each other now, and what they meant to each other in an influential past life.  I could see it really strengthening their bond, and reminding them why they're together.  I sense that they fight, hell, they fight right in my shop.  But they're a great couple, and very loving.  I sent them home feeling so happy for their relationship.  Their lives are a little fucked up, it's not perfect, they struggle to make ends meet, they struggle for stability.  They are always home, when they have each other, and that's something rare and great.

Finding love in your life isn't just about finding it for yourself.  I think there's something really important about being able to recognize it in other people, too.  Like, you are in love.  You are loving.  You love each other very much.

I have some more great and tragic love stories from my first year at 76 First Ave.  I'll share them soon, I think.  Before the memories get dull.