Communications

Been picking up the cards again.  Like riding a bike?  I never forget how, but sometimes it's like pedaling uphill with a bad case of diarrhea, sometimes it's like downhill racing.  I feel like that uphill thing, now.  like, there's something really worthwhile on top of the hill, so I'm torturing myself by doing a bunch of bullshit off base readings, till the stuff starts hitting true again.  Warming up the gears, or something.

Last night, a friend started a conversation with me that started normally enough, and evolved into a philosophical theological discussion of the utmost rarity. In fact, Luiz is about the only person I've discussed this sort of innermost belief.  And, we're chatting about it like two people discuss fucking barbecue recipes.  It's really cool, and I hope a) my babbling doesn't drive the conversation into the ground, b) my normally deeply closeted philosophies sound alright, in text, because like a person that never speaks, I feel like my voice on this matter is cracked and hoarse.  I hope I make sense, at least a little.  From childhood, I've always been the most solitary of solitary practitioners, and only recently took on a "title".  I've never talked about it with anyone before Luiz.  I've always *known* my own shit, but to try to communicate that in a semi reasonable eloquent way is a complete challenge.  I try writing about it, but it's like writing about the color of your own hair or the shape of your fingernails. It's such an inherent and fully explored section of myself, it would bore me to try to capture it in words.  Or, sound redundant in my head.  But then, a conversation springs up, and I'm a stammering retard.

Laid Them Aside

I haven't meaningfully read the cards in about a month.  I have two friends who are waiting for an online reading from me, and it never leaves my mind, but every time I have a bit of time, I can't seem to do it.  I haven't been reading for myself either.

When I read for other people, especially when I have the luxury of doing an online reading, I like to create a space, meditate, and really focus, as though I were doing a paid one on one reading.  Even if it's not a paid reading, it's important to me to do it with a professional air.

I have an hour, right now, between work and when the house fills with people, and before I could even consider my cards, I have to clean the kitchen (physically clean space is as important as psychically clean space), select my deck, gather my stuff, meditate myself into the headspace, and by the time I got prepared...the hour would be up, and...bah.

There's too much earthly static, lately, with the holidays, and my increased work schedule.  I've not been sleeping at night, and have been dragging through the day. The paid tarot reading jobs haven't been coming as frequently lately, either, so no real reason to constantly do it.

Now that I got this all off my chest, maybe I can start working towards fixing all the problems, eh?