I am a bad tarot reader. I promised a friend that I would do an online reading for her, as a favor, because she needs guidance. She got me late Saturday evening, and naturally the way my weekends go, here it is Monday night, and I still haven't gotten to it. Mehhhhh. It's like five questions, and I'm an asshole for not doing it first thing this morning, which really was my first chance. I hate making promises, then being all silly about fulfilling them. I should go do. Maybe I'll trot out the Sacred Rose, I love that deck, it's always refreshing, and haven't looked at it in awhile.
I've been trying to reason through why I've laid tarot aside, for a bit. I burned myself out with Shoesday, for starters, I didn't think so at the time, but it was a lot. A lot of lots of reading. I've had a string of iffy or maybe even totally wrong readings, and I was starting to second guess myself. That's a big one. I've been resorting to old standby comfort decks, and they seem to say the same thing, over and over, and I could hear it in my own readings, that I was feeling cliched. Sometimes, when that happens, the best thing is to just take a break. Feels a little like getting a bit tired of a loved one. "I love you, but leave me alone for awhile, I'd like to be at peace with my thoughts, and not hear your opinion about everything." I have to concientously put aside the easy old favorites, like Robin Wood and Druidcraft, they're just too...easy, and I need challenging fresh stuff to work with. Deviant Moon has been in my purse still (since I got it) and for fast one card casual stuff, which I still do occasionally, it's been a blessing. It's time to shake things up, and make DM my "comfort" deck.
In other news, my super awesome custom made elk hide-cougar fang-lots of fringe and beadwork bag finally got shipped, and it's die to be here soon. Only been waiting it for a year and a month. The woman doing it is an artist, she's wonderfully sweet, and in ill health, so I permitted her to move me to the bottom of a long list of people waiting on custom stuff. Mine was the last custom piece she made (and probably will ever) and she said she took an especially long time doing it, because she wanted to make it special. She wove magic into it, said she imbued it with all the good faith and good fortune she could muster, and she's including some other goodies. It took awhile to get all the materials, and I paid a fortune for just the materials alone (she submitted an itemized invoice of what it all cost her, then tacked on a mere $50 for her labor...). I cannot wait. I'll be reading on Thursdays at Aders, and I would love to have this bag proudly displayed, and containing my livelihood. It's already approaching totemic importance for me, and it's not even here.
Time to get my ass in gear, I suppose.
7.26.2010
This feather
I haven't been posting here much. I seem to be taking an unscheduled unofficial break from the cards, though that might change today.
As I was walking into work this morning, I noticed a feather. It's a perfect long black feather, with a white stem-thing. Perfect condition. The fact that I even noticed it was something, because I'm very groggy this morning, sort of bouncing back from a severe allergy attack and a benadryl hangover. So, I noticed it, but didn't pick it up. Where would I have put it, while I was on the panel? The feather was there still, when I got out, as though it were waiting for me. Dozens of people have walked by this glossy beautiful thing, laying right in the sidewalk, and it hasn't moved an inch, or gotten damaged. At first, I went "hmmph, cool" and walked on by. Then, I realized...that's a FEATHER and it's there for ME. I almost walked by this gift of air. I could feel the latent magic in it, as soon as I picked it up. There was a slight breeze, and the feather was catching the current, jumping and twitching and wanting to leap out of my grasp, I could feel the light energy of a bird in flight coursing up my arm. All of a sudden the world got fresher, brighter, and more...I don't know, airy. I noticed the crystal blue sky, with nothing but one silvery plane low-ish overhead glittering in the sun. I noticed the sun, warming but not hot. I noticed the breeze, which was a mild breath, at first, but now an honest-to-god wooshy breeze swirling through my feather. My gift. I contemplated it, and why I found it for the short trip home. At home, walking through my yard, I noticed birds chirping riotously, and the alternating tinkle and low bonngging of the windchimes in the yard. It's like, after that storm yesterday, the heat broke, and the world came back to life. There's so much energy in this feather. I placed it on my altar shelf, it's here for a reason, and not just to help me appreciate a fine Monday morning.
As I was walking into work this morning, I noticed a feather. It's a perfect long black feather, with a white stem-thing. Perfect condition. The fact that I even noticed it was something, because I'm very groggy this morning, sort of bouncing back from a severe allergy attack and a benadryl hangover. So, I noticed it, but didn't pick it up. Where would I have put it, while I was on the panel? The feather was there still, when I got out, as though it were waiting for me. Dozens of people have walked by this glossy beautiful thing, laying right in the sidewalk, and it hasn't moved an inch, or gotten damaged. At first, I went "hmmph, cool" and walked on by. Then, I realized...that's a FEATHER and it's there for ME. I almost walked by this gift of air. I could feel the latent magic in it, as soon as I picked it up. There was a slight breeze, and the feather was catching the current, jumping and twitching and wanting to leap out of my grasp, I could feel the light energy of a bird in flight coursing up my arm. All of a sudden the world got fresher, brighter, and more...I don't know, airy. I noticed the crystal blue sky, with nothing but one silvery plane low-ish overhead glittering in the sun. I noticed the sun, warming but not hot. I noticed the breeze, which was a mild breath, at first, but now an honest-to-god wooshy breeze swirling through my feather. My gift. I contemplated it, and why I found it for the short trip home. At home, walking through my yard, I noticed birds chirping riotously, and the alternating tinkle and low bonngging of the windchimes in the yard. It's like, after that storm yesterday, the heat broke, and the world came back to life. There's so much energy in this feather. I placed it on my altar shelf, it's here for a reason, and not just to help me appreciate a fine Monday morning.
6.16.2010
Shoesday Tuesday
It was a girls-night-out sort of party, where I was the resident tarot reader. I didn't pay for table space, which was good, but the event planner offered a free three minute reading as part of the ticket. I wound up doing more readings in one night than I've ever done. My previous record was 15 separate readings for 12 people, at a house party. This was somewhere around 35 people over 4 hours, from 7 to 11ish. I had a few between 7 and 8 p.m. even, before the party, but as the crowd warmed up and got rolling was a concentrated hot-seat from 9 till 11. It was all non-stop, no breaks.
First, the good things:
Networking: Even before the party started, I handed my card out to two different event planners, the whole bar staff, discussed even further with the owner of the bar, about a regular psychic night. One of them was sort of a mystical themed event planner. Made some tentative plans for a Halloween party. I feel like it was a "on the fly" job interview, and I feel like I aced it. No one flinched when I named my hourly rate. I exchanged a reading for a massage with the massage therapist, and she took a stack of cards. Many of her clients also see tarot readers. I did likewise. I think we actually became friends, which is a nice side thing. For the actual sitters, I handed out at least a hundred cards. Everyone took at least one, sometimes taking a handful. I made a few appointments for house calls, last night.
Readings: Lots of first timers! Definitely feel like I reached out to a good cross section of women, in many different life situations. Connected well with more than half, had stellar crystal clear overwhelmingly awesome readings for about 10 (one of them, regarding pregnancy, miscarriage, and future children was almost tearful for both of us), and got a few blank stares, and skeptics, and the easily distracted. A handful of drunks, but not as many as I expected.
Popularity: I half joked with my friend that I'd bring a book to the party, in case no one popped by my table. Some early birds were bugging me at 7 p.m hour before the actual event, before I even settled into my table, and my list was full, till the end of the night. I was the last one to take my table down. I had some friends at the party, and they said the buzz about the tarot reader was overwhelmingly positive. Yay! I think there will be more people lurking around the bar, looking for me. Many asked if I had a regular night, and no, not yet. Many of my sitters told their friends, that weren't at the party (at the downstairs bar, where regular bar patrons/non ticket holders were hanging out) As I was walking out, I was hailed by bar patrons for more readings, although I had to turn them down, because I was ready to collapse.
Negative aspects, stuff I didn't see coming (but should have) stuff I'll watch for next time.
Readings: Many people sat down with blank expressions, and it took me a few minutes to get warmed up with them, shuffling and engaging them in conversation. I had to, by the end of the night (more on why, in a bit) sort of hustle people along, and say "the more specific you can get with me, the better I can help you in 3 minutes time". Many people caught on right away, and I had very satisfying and concise readings, and I sent these people away satisfied. Others sat down with a shrug. I'd pull some cards, and outline things about their lives, and they'd say "but I already knew all that". Well, great, but I didn't. Towards the end of the night, I felt like they were wasting my time, as well as their own, and just taking the service because it was free. It was difficult to limit it to 3 minutes, and often I went over. With at least 3 girls, we talked for over 10, because things were really rolling. I got appointments out of these.
Free: Which brings me to the free thing. People who make appointments and seek me out want a tarot reading. Drunks at a party stumble into my chair because it's there, and yet still expect miracles in 3 minutes. Everyone at the party signed up, including other vendors, the kitchen staff, etc. I got to everyone, but there were some catty girls, and women annoyed at the aspect of waiting. Seriously, a fight broke out between a pair of women (and their little respective groups) at who was first on the list. I solved it, satisfactorily enough, I suppose. But totally unexpected.
Money: I got some tips, and I sold some extra readings, on top of the freebies. Not quite enough to compensate the 4 hours I was there, but it was alright. I was surprised at how much people wanted for nothing, and how reticent some were at paying $5 for five extra cards, and some extra time, especially since the freebie reading only really just got us started. (meanwhile they're spending $6 a pop for ginger vodkatinis). About a dozen of the earlier readings asked if they could come back for more, after the list dwindled down. I feel like the limited time, huge crowd, cut into my profits, because I was so busy cranking out the freebies, that I couldn't get to some that wanted to pay for more, "later".
The setting in general: Early on, the environment was great, moving around, lots of chatty bubbly energy. Around halfway through, DJ Pete turned the lights down, popped on the special effect lights, and my corner became jet black and extremely loud. Candles were found, so I could continue wading though my ever growing list. By the end of the night, as the party was winding up and up (kudos to the DJ, by the way, the man could really get a crowd pumping) I was reading in a very loud club environment. The poor last few, I had to shout to. My voice still hasn't really recovered.
It was overall a satisfying evening, and I feel like I met, networked, and connected with a lot of people. There were some definite drawbacks, some things that you guys warned me of, and some things I never would have realized till I experienced them myself.
First, the good things:
Networking: Even before the party started, I handed my card out to two different event planners, the whole bar staff, discussed even further with the owner of the bar, about a regular psychic night. One of them was sort of a mystical themed event planner. Made some tentative plans for a Halloween party. I feel like it was a "on the fly" job interview, and I feel like I aced it. No one flinched when I named my hourly rate. I exchanged a reading for a massage with the massage therapist, and she took a stack of cards. Many of her clients also see tarot readers. I did likewise. I think we actually became friends, which is a nice side thing. For the actual sitters, I handed out at least a hundred cards. Everyone took at least one, sometimes taking a handful. I made a few appointments for house calls, last night.
Readings: Lots of first timers! Definitely feel like I reached out to a good cross section of women, in many different life situations. Connected well with more than half, had stellar crystal clear overwhelmingly awesome readings for about 10 (one of them, regarding pregnancy, miscarriage, and future children was almost tearful for both of us), and got a few blank stares, and skeptics, and the easily distracted. A handful of drunks, but not as many as I expected.
Popularity: I half joked with my friend that I'd bring a book to the party, in case no one popped by my table. Some early birds were bugging me at 7 p.m hour before the actual event, before I even settled into my table, and my list was full, till the end of the night. I was the last one to take my table down. I had some friends at the party, and they said the buzz about the tarot reader was overwhelmingly positive. Yay! I think there will be more people lurking around the bar, looking for me. Many asked if I had a regular night, and no, not yet. Many of my sitters told their friends, that weren't at the party (at the downstairs bar, where regular bar patrons/non ticket holders were hanging out) As I was walking out, I was hailed by bar patrons for more readings, although I had to turn them down, because I was ready to collapse.
Negative aspects, stuff I didn't see coming (but should have) stuff I'll watch for next time.
Readings: Many people sat down with blank expressions, and it took me a few minutes to get warmed up with them, shuffling and engaging them in conversation. I had to, by the end of the night (more on why, in a bit) sort of hustle people along, and say "the more specific you can get with me, the better I can help you in 3 minutes time". Many people caught on right away, and I had very satisfying and concise readings, and I sent these people away satisfied. Others sat down with a shrug. I'd pull some cards, and outline things about their lives, and they'd say "but I already knew all that". Well, great, but I didn't. Towards the end of the night, I felt like they were wasting my time, as well as their own, and just taking the service because it was free. It was difficult to limit it to 3 minutes, and often I went over. With at least 3 girls, we talked for over 10, because things were really rolling. I got appointments out of these.
Free: Which brings me to the free thing. People who make appointments and seek me out want a tarot reading. Drunks at a party stumble into my chair because it's there, and yet still expect miracles in 3 minutes. Everyone at the party signed up, including other vendors, the kitchen staff, etc. I got to everyone, but there were some catty girls, and women annoyed at the aspect of waiting. Seriously, a fight broke out between a pair of women (and their little respective groups) at who was first on the list. I solved it, satisfactorily enough, I suppose. But totally unexpected.
Money: I got some tips, and I sold some extra readings, on top of the freebies. Not quite enough to compensate the 4 hours I was there, but it was alright. I was surprised at how much people wanted for nothing, and how reticent some were at paying $5 for five extra cards, and some extra time, especially since the freebie reading only really just got us started. (meanwhile they're spending $6 a pop for ginger vodkatinis). About a dozen of the earlier readings asked if they could come back for more, after the list dwindled down. I feel like the limited time, huge crowd, cut into my profits, because I was so busy cranking out the freebies, that I couldn't get to some that wanted to pay for more, "later".
The setting in general: Early on, the environment was great, moving around, lots of chatty bubbly energy. Around halfway through, DJ Pete turned the lights down, popped on the special effect lights, and my corner became jet black and extremely loud. Candles were found, so I could continue wading though my ever growing list. By the end of the night, as the party was winding up and up (kudos to the DJ, by the way, the man could really get a crowd pumping) I was reading in a very loud club environment. The poor last few, I had to shout to. My voice still hasn't really recovered.
It was overall a satisfying evening, and I feel like I met, networked, and connected with a lot of people. There were some definite drawbacks, some things that you guys warned me of, and some things I never would have realized till I experienced them myself.
6.03.2010
Shuffles
Writing what I wrote, last night really helped me settle my energy. Sometimes, writing, and that was a lot of what Luiz and I were exploring, is the best thing. Best for documenting, meditating, grounding, composing, therapy, catharsis. I feel like, without it, I would have been sick and sad for the rest of the night.
Moving on.
I can't find my three favorite stones. They were in a bag, with my travel tarot stuff. Can't find the bag. I refuse to accept that they're done with me, however, I just have to look harder.
Ever have a shopping list running in your head...running and running, till you to to the place where you need to buy the stuff, then...foof, all gone. Yeah, I'm going through it right now. I've been putting off an order to Mountainrose for a few months, planning to refresh my herbs in one fell swoop. Damned if I can't remember what-all I needed, besides more sage.
Played with the Tarot of Sweet Twilight a little this morning, doing some readings for the girls at work. Sometimes the whimsical decks really surprise me. Lighthearted, and telling.
Moving on.
I can't find my three favorite stones. They were in a bag, with my travel tarot stuff. Can't find the bag. I refuse to accept that they're done with me, however, I just have to look harder.
Ever have a shopping list running in your head...running and running, till you to to the place where you need to buy the stuff, then...foof, all gone. Yeah, I'm going through it right now. I've been putting off an order to Mountainrose for a few months, planning to refresh my herbs in one fell swoop. Damned if I can't remember what-all I needed, besides more sage.
Played with the Tarot of Sweet Twilight a little this morning, doing some readings for the girls at work. Sometimes the whimsical decks really surprise me. Lighthearted, and telling.
6.02.2010
That didn't end well...
Well, Irv's quite cheery, now. I'm not, but somehow he feels great. I'm not even sure which blog to put this in. I'll throw it in here, as a caveat, one of my many hurdles.
Luiz and I were having a significant reading, and some deep spiritual talk, the likes of which we haven't seen in months. Long time flipping cards, and soul searching, some on my part, mostly on his. This is how we work through his very real clinical depression. This helps me get my own moral compass and bearings in check. It's a necessary part of our existence. It's been forever since we could sit down like this. Irv was working next door, doing all sorts of stuff with the house, then he came in, and blasted out a load of laundry, then disrupted the table where we were reading, slamming open the dishwasher, and slamming the dishes in the cabinet. Crash, back down to earth, with unasked for tears in my eyes. What? What the hell is his problem? His problem was that WE didn't do those two things. I didn't know they *needed* doing right that very moment. As soon as I cleared my cards, and we scattered from the table, as soon as Luiz, in a flurry of apologies, cleaned some menial something, he was fine. Cheery. Hah. Jovial. His mood went from storming fucking angry, to maniacally happy.
I'm still shaking, and trying to hold back the tears. I'm really shaken. I feel like we were really accomplishing something. Luiz was having some great epiphanies, I was really remembering what *it* is all about. We were deep, deep in the Universe, deep in the cards, and in a very specific mental state, only to be blasted out of it by a wave of manically bad energy, and a delightful disruption/guilt trip. Like a bowling ball, to pins, only if the bowling ball could get some kind of perverse satisfaction out of smashing the pins.
Why does he do it? Did he feel discluded? Is he just feeling mean? All my empathic receptors were wide open, and all I could feel was that wave of "Oh, fuck them, fuck this, watch this..." sort of glee.
It's any wonder I get anything done. I have to go smooth out my energy somehow, or else I will be irrational, and fighting back tears for the rest of the night. I feel like I just took a direct hit of total crap right to my solar plexus.
I feel like I can trust the environment I've created, the "circle" we build when we go through all the steps for a night of readings like this. The cards, the herbs, the mental preparation. Then something like this comes and smashes it wide open. We let our guards down, we got distracted and started moving around. Left the circle, without closing it, so to speak. No, I didn't actually cast one, and I didn't think I had to. Now I see that sometimes, I can't just leave it out like that. Stupid me. Ego? Maybe. My kitchen, my table, my space...not so much. Lesson learned.
Luiz and I were having a significant reading, and some deep spiritual talk, the likes of which we haven't seen in months. Long time flipping cards, and soul searching, some on my part, mostly on his. This is how we work through his very real clinical depression. This helps me get my own moral compass and bearings in check. It's a necessary part of our existence. It's been forever since we could sit down like this. Irv was working next door, doing all sorts of stuff with the house, then he came in, and blasted out a load of laundry, then disrupted the table where we were reading, slamming open the dishwasher, and slamming the dishes in the cabinet. Crash, back down to earth, with unasked for tears in my eyes. What? What the hell is his problem? His problem was that WE didn't do those two things. I didn't know they *needed* doing right that very moment. As soon as I cleared my cards, and we scattered from the table, as soon as Luiz, in a flurry of apologies, cleaned some menial something, he was fine. Cheery. Hah. Jovial. His mood went from storming fucking angry, to maniacally happy.
I'm still shaking, and trying to hold back the tears. I'm really shaken. I feel like we were really accomplishing something. Luiz was having some great epiphanies, I was really remembering what *it* is all about. We were deep, deep in the Universe, deep in the cards, and in a very specific mental state, only to be blasted out of it by a wave of manically bad energy, and a delightful disruption/guilt trip. Like a bowling ball, to pins, only if the bowling ball could get some kind of perverse satisfaction out of smashing the pins.
Why does he do it? Did he feel discluded? Is he just feeling mean? All my empathic receptors were wide open, and all I could feel was that wave of "Oh, fuck them, fuck this, watch this..." sort of glee.
It's any wonder I get anything done. I have to go smooth out my energy somehow, or else I will be irrational, and fighting back tears for the rest of the night. I feel like I just took a direct hit of total crap right to my solar plexus.
I feel like I can trust the environment I've created, the "circle" we build when we go through all the steps for a night of readings like this. The cards, the herbs, the mental preparation. Then something like this comes and smashes it wide open. We let our guards down, we got distracted and started moving around. Left the circle, without closing it, so to speak. No, I didn't actually cast one, and I didn't think I had to. Now I see that sometimes, I can't just leave it out like that. Stupid me. Ego? Maybe. My kitchen, my table, my space...not so much. Lesson learned.
5.20.2010
The Business of Tarot
Spent a greater part of the late afternoon designing my "menu". I plan on having a copy of each page printed and laminated for my kit, then a few dozen printouts of all the information, as a handout. I also have to do a brief writeup of tarot or "about me" section, something like that, to put as the last page in my kit. This "kit" is a binder that will hold a total of about 4 laminated pages.
I got my oracle decks today, and felt compelled to read with them right out of the box. Love them. My intuition was zinging and singing. I'm going to work more with them, then maybe work them into paid readings.
I sat down the other night and outlined what I Want. It's my longterm goal to make enough money being a transient tarot reader, to eventually afford to have a little place of my own. Gain a big enough following to sustain opening an actual shop. I've never really "networked" in my life, and it's not the most instinctive thing for me, but I'm actually doing it, passing out business cards left and right.
I got my oracle decks today, and felt compelled to read with them right out of the box. Love them. My intuition was zinging and singing. I'm going to work more with them, then maybe work them into paid readings.
I sat down the other night and outlined what I Want. It's my longterm goal to make enough money being a transient tarot reader, to eventually afford to have a little place of my own. Gain a big enough following to sustain opening an actual shop. I've never really "networked" in my life, and it's not the most instinctive thing for me, but I'm actually doing it, passing out business cards left and right.
5.19.2010
They are not a scientific calculator.
Been thinking about cerebral versus intuitional tarot reading. Lately, I've been getting way too thinky, and really analyzing every aspect of every card, turning each one into this mental labyrinth that's easy to get lost in. That's fine when studying, or really picking apart every aspect of the Thoth deck, but when reading, when doing what I do best, the logic and thinking have to have to take a back seat to intuition. My gut response, my initial "this is it" has been taking a backseat to elaborate pondering, and critical thinking, this pointed turning each card over and over in my mind, using it as a tool. Cold logic. Good for most things, hindering my reading style.
So, on impulse, today I went and looked at oracle decks. These are decks that hold any number of cards, and they can be about whatever the hell they want. No stringent tarot guidelines. Just a bunch of images designed to provoke intuition. I ordered a few, with a few more on my wish list, and I'm going to try working them into my typical card flipping, and just let my mind fly again, instead of bogging it down with associations, dignities, numerology, astrology, alchemy, geometry, and all that.
I have to start meditating again. I had this problem a few years ago, when I was studying cards too hard, and not connecting with them. They became something like a chore, and as a result, hard to read. I can't afford that, now. I really have to make some changes, or find my groove again.
So, on impulse, today I went and looked at oracle decks. These are decks that hold any number of cards, and they can be about whatever the hell they want. No stringent tarot guidelines. Just a bunch of images designed to provoke intuition. I ordered a few, with a few more on my wish list, and I'm going to try working them into my typical card flipping, and just let my mind fly again, instead of bogging it down with associations, dignities, numerology, astrology, alchemy, geometry, and all that.
I have to start meditating again. I had this problem a few years ago, when I was studying cards too hard, and not connecting with them. They became something like a chore, and as a result, hard to read. I can't afford that, now. I really have to make some changes, or find my groove again.
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