Maybe some commentary about sex

“There shall be no property in human flesh. The sex-instinct is one of the most deeply-seated expressions of the will; and it must not be restricted, either negatively by preventing its free function, or positively by insisting on its false function. What is more brutal than to stunt natural growth or to deform it? What is more absurd than to seek to interpret this holy instinct as a gross animal act, to separate it from the spiritual enthusiasm without which it is so stupid as not even to be satisfactory to the persons concerned?

The sexual act is a sacrament of Will. To profane it is the great offence. All true expression of it is lawful; all suppression or distortion is contrary to the Law of Liberty. To use legal or financial constraint to compel either abstention or submission, is entirely horrible, unnatural and absurd.”

-Commentary to The Book of the Law I:41

I have been thinking about this a lot lately.  Even between two people who feel like they're on the path to enlightenment, together in almost every nuance of spirituality, there's still issues to resolve. Hurt feelings, imbalances, defensiveness, control issues, insecurities... and we both hold the same philosophy, as reflected in the above quote. We both work through it every day, and speak actively against sexual constraint.  We also both have our own sets of issues to work through.  Even in paradise, there's still piles of shit to step in, once in awhile.  

I'd sort of conjured a whole post about this, but it's late, and it sort of vaporized.  Maybe that's a good sign.

Let's get this show on the road.

I am a bad tarot reader.  I promised a friend that I would do an online reading for her, as a favor, because she needs guidance.  She got me late Saturday evening, and naturally the way my weekends go, here it is Monday night, and I still haven't gotten to it.  Mehhhhh.  It's like five questions, and I'm an asshole for not doing it first thing this morning, which really was my first chance.  I hate making promises, then being all silly about fulfilling them.  I should go do.  Maybe I'll trot out the Sacred Rose, I love that deck, it's always refreshing, and haven't looked at it in awhile.

I've been trying to reason through why I've laid tarot aside, for a bit. I burned myself out with Shoesday, for starters, I didn't think so at the time, but it was a lot. A lot of lots of reading.  I've had a string of iffy or maybe even totally wrong readings, and I was starting to second guess myself. That's a big one.  I've been resorting to old standby comfort decks, and they seem to say the same thing, over and over, and I could hear it in my own readings, that I was feeling cliched.  Sometimes, when that happens, the best thing is to just take a break. Feels a little like getting a bit tired of a loved one. "I love you, but leave me alone for awhile, I'd like to be at peace with my thoughts, and not hear your opinion about everything."  I have to concientously put aside the easy old favorites, like Robin Wood and Druidcraft, they're just too...easy, and I need challenging fresh stuff to work with.  Deviant Moon has been in my purse still (since I got it) and for fast one card casual stuff, which I still do occasionally, it's been a blessing.  It's time to shake things up, and make DM my "comfort" deck.

In other news, my super awesome custom made elk hide-cougar fang-lots of fringe and beadwork bag finally got shipped, and it's die to be here soon. Only been waiting it for a year and a month. The woman doing it is an artist, she's wonderfully sweet, and in ill health, so I permitted her to move me to the bottom of a long list of people waiting on custom stuff.  Mine was the last custom piece she made (and probably will ever) and she said she took an especially long time doing it, because she wanted to make it special.  She wove magic into it, said she imbued it with all the good faith and good fortune she could muster, and she's including some other goodies.  It took awhile to get all the materials, and I paid a fortune for just the materials alone (she submitted an itemized invoice of what it all cost her, then tacked on a mere $50 for her labor...).  I cannot wait.  I'll be reading on Thursdays at Aders, and I would love to have this bag proudly displayed, and containing my livelihood.  It's already approaching totemic importance for me, and it's not even here.

Time to get my ass in gear, I suppose.

This feather

I haven't been posting here much.  I seem to be taking an unscheduled unofficial break from the cards, though that might change today.

As I was walking into work this morning, I noticed a feather.  It's a perfect long black feather, with a white stem-thing.  Perfect condition.  The fact that I even noticed it was something, because I'm very groggy this morning, sort of bouncing back from a severe allergy attack and a benadryl hangover.  So, I noticed it, but didn't pick it up.  Where would I have put it, while I was on the panel?  The feather was there still, when I got out, as though it were waiting for me.  Dozens of people have walked by this glossy beautiful thing, laying right in the sidewalk, and it hasn't moved an inch, or gotten damaged.  At first, I went "hmmph, cool" and walked on by.  Then, I realized...that's a FEATHER and it's there for ME.  I almost walked by this gift of air.  I could feel the latent magic in it, as soon as I picked it up.  There was a slight breeze, and the feather was catching the current, jumping and twitching and wanting to leap out of my grasp, I could feel the light energy of a bird in flight coursing up my arm.  All of a sudden the world got fresher, brighter, and more...I don't know, airy.  I noticed the crystal blue sky, with nothing but one silvery plane low-ish overhead glittering in the sun.  I noticed the sun, warming but not hot.  I noticed the breeze, which was a mild breath, at first, but now an honest-to-god wooshy breeze swirling through my feather.  My gift. I contemplated it, and why I found it for the short trip home.  At home, walking through my yard, I noticed birds chirping riotously, and the alternating tinkle and low bonngging of the windchimes in the yard.  It's like, after that storm yesterday, the heat broke, and the world came back to life.  There's so much energy in this feather. I placed it on my altar shelf, it's here for a reason, and not just to help me appreciate a fine Monday morning.